so

so long ago.
i think, so long
the lines of your face have smoothed in my memory
or the time i think of was before their existence.
but now...
now is what?
a dream? a wish? a future oft revisted time?
they say i've lost the best years
but it took me all of them to find you
and i don't want to lose the ones i have
missing you
but i can't remember where i put you.
a box? a thought? a wishing well?
deep untold secrets that we're too close to share
and yet we know
everyone knows
i'm not good at hiding, unless i'm lonely
but now i'm surrounded, fenced in, and yet
still sanity comes sometimes
not all the times
but enough times.
to know i'm not crazy, i mean.

every day i meet my future self
sometimes i love her, sometimes i want to hide
things become so prosy sometimes
but i'm still a turner of poetic ramblings
and the chaos is best remembered.
so someday i can look back and find myself again,
should i forget me.

i wonder what it's like to be a grown-up
my grandmother, at 80, still said she didn't know what
she wanted to be
but at the end, i think she decided to have a family.
so that's what we remember her for.

would i lose all again to keep you?
don't let me get sated and drunk on my memories
or so lost in perfect moments i stop reaching higher
i was made to go higher
never
stop
climbing
and now my wings are restless.
i hope they don't atrophy
but i stil don't know how to fly
someone push me off, please?
i'm tired of waiting.

god, please make it worth the waiting.