sha`ah

stop and gaze as the sacred edifice crumbles. should one pause in thought, or cease to pray? should mourning overweigh the joy of death bringing life? should we stop and throw stones as the mighty fall?

i desire to gaze into the crumbled remains of a haughty idol built in the image of an emperor and see the memory of the days before.

are graven images built in the name of christ?

i remember what i have never learned.
i seek that which was torn from our grasp.
but i am brave because of the one giving defence
who seeks not war, but peace.
who welcomes hatred, and turns the cheek.

if all words were lost, we still have the seed.

the morning light has shone.
the noon has past
evening dawns
the long night draws near.
if you may, send moonlight
as fires burn
and forests end
and melodies haunt
and the earth is rend
give light to us to find the dawn
so still our walk may continue on
so still our time may linger on

and if the moonlight should be lost
then all the dreams the world has dreamt
will open eyes, and their purpose met
and all the dreamers willing dust
to rise and ashes give way to breath
the foretold offerings will not lose way
and still the night will turn to day.

grace

last night we were at church. at some point in the beginning of the service, justin said that the scripture that says "let the little children come to me" popped in his head, but then he didn't think anything of it. we started out having a fairly normal service. sang songs, people gave testimonies, someone preached. but then at the end, we started worship again. we sang for a while, and then out of no where there was a long moment of silence. i love those moments, when a whole group of people sits and reflects on what just happened, and not because someone said to. someone explained that what was happening was a selah, a moment of silence where God does not stop moving but we do, to reflect on what has happened.

justin had selah come and sit in his lap during this time, as childcare was over. selah sat quietly for a moment and then looked up at justin and asked, "is God and Jesus in my heart, daddy?" justin told him that they would be if he wanted them to be, and he just had to ask. so selah closed his eyes and sat quietly for a moment, and then said "they're in my heart, daddy. i can feel them." we have never made him pray or read the bible... we wanted him to have a chance to observe and ask questions and make a choice at his own pace.

i was four when i asked for Jesus to be in my heart. i walked a long road to being truly free. an uphill barefoot in the snow kind of road. but God has taught me so much through it. he has reminded me that i don't need to be afraid to be a parent. he reminded me that the things i experienced as a child were not from him, but rather the consequences of my parents choices. he has taught me that i have to understand and recognize that there were people that made decisions that hurt me, as you can't forgive anyone until you can say what they did.

and beyond that, he has truly restored me as if those things never happened. i've been tempered, for sure. and i remember the past and still have the scars. but they don't hurt anymore.

i have told selah about my father. i've told him that he was a sad and angry man, who was mean sometimes because his daddy was a sad and angry man who was mean. i told him how my mom and i prayed for my father, and how before he died he asked for forgiveness and i saw then who he was supposed to be.

selah prayed with me last night. he said,

"Jesus, thank you for being my mommy's daddy when her daddy couldn't do it. Say that mommy."

"Jesus, thank you for helping my mommy not be sad. Say that mommy."

"Jesus, thank you for taking her daddy to heaven. Say that mommy."

i'm still scared of being a mom. but if Jesus can help me when i was a little girl who didn't know love learn to understand who he is, then i think i might be okay. i just have to remember to let God be God, and just work on being a decent Audra.

it helps that my son prays for me.

cause i'm up

and even though i'm protesting myspace, i still got stuck reading everyone's sites for like 2 hours. thanks for the country song tav

and some days i'd rather be a pirate...

stephen colbert

here's a link to the torrent of stephen colbert ripping into lots of people... at the white house correspondants dinner. it's been pulled from just about everywhere on the net. but you have to witness this. whatever you think of the current administration, he stood there and the establishment what just about everyone (even half of conservatives, according to the polls) has thought at one point or another. maybe 10 feet from president bush.

http://seedler.org/en/html/info/539676

save the net

big business is trying to say that they have more invested in the internet than we do. AT&T, Comcast, and Verizon are among the companies lobbying congress to pass laws that will create a sort of "fast lane" premium net service for companies that can pay the higher cost. the rest of the net, including blogs, non-profit sites, myspace, itunes, personal sites, and small business sites will be given less bandwidth making browsing such sites much slower. personal internet use and the benefits the net has given small businesses and non-profits are at risk. the net is one of the few places where we all have equal opportunity to make our voices heard. we can't let congress take this away!

Congress is voting on this issue next week. moveon.org already has 250,000 signatures on a petition being submitted to congress. help out by signing the petition. call your representative. help spread the word on the net. the public outcry has been enough to sway several representatives that formally supported big business on this issue. it helps that this is an election year!

this public service announcement brought to you by audiworld for Internet Freedom

why are sundays so rainy?

i mind less when i get my sunday naps.